Our lives have a way of shifting with each season. The winter starts off beautifully. The snow descends from the sky, silently, and accumulates or dissolve without notice. Sometimes I miss this side of the winter season because, as time goes on, winter becomes bitterly cold and encumbering. But, when the seasons are changing, the harsh winds transform into cool air. What was once dead, perks back to life. The flowers blossom into beautiful vibrant colors, and the trees cascade wonderfully as a shade from the piercing sun. In the blink of an eye, winter suddenly transitions into spring, summer, fall, then back to winter again.
Seasons are a reflection of the shifting that happens in each transition. Around this time last year, I was living abroad in South Korea. I was in my second year teaching English as a foreign language teacher to elementary students. I was pregnant, and my heart was bursting with joy and fear at the same time. I never experienced pregnancy before. Who would help me navigate through this process of bringing life into this world? My husband and I were seven thousand miles from any close relative. I was happy, but fear gripped me at my core. It was an underlying deterrent, impeding on my joy; this fear was hardly spoken but greatly felt.
The shifting of a season happens unexpectedly. How I start one season does not dictate how I will end. At the beginning of my pregnancy, fear consumed me because I was more concerned about WHO would help me navigate, rather than HOW. I had to get to the point of shifting my perspective. I had to look at what I had and how I could utilize the resources before me to get me through this process of bringing life into the world.
The shifting of seasons brought forth growing pains I could never have anticipated. It gave me hard lessons of letting go of expectations. It taught me how to embrace my process of becoming; staying connected to my community, accepting the help of others while still educating myself through different outlets along the way. The most significant lesson of all was unmasking the lies I felt through fear with the truth. The truth was, and still is, I was blooming like a beautiful, vibrant wildflower. The growth process was never easy, but it was necessary. It was preparing me for the next season of my life, motherhood.
One year later, my family has journeyed the seven thousand miles back to the United States. My son is now four months old and the absolute joy of my heart. At times, I still feel that fear is making its way back to my realm of consciousness. However, when I think about how I made it through my pregnancy, my anxiety ceases. Our lives are reflections of seasons, the experiences are ever-changing but forever imprinted in our hearts. As I catch up with family and close friends, they often look at me with amazement. They say things like, “You’re so brave to have a child in a foreign country. I don’t know if I could do it.” They have no idea I didn’t have the strength to do it on my own either. Navigating through a transition is all about perspective, how an individual sees their season determines their outcome.
Monday, April 2nd, 2018